Day Seven

There is absolutely nothing on earth that can prepare you for delivering your stillborn child. And it is certainly not a circumstance in life that allows much room to notice Gods answers to prayer, kindness or blessings. However, it is an opportunity to recognize first-hand that He is a God of the intricate and miraculous. Life is sacred and miraculous. When that gift is stolen from your very hands, it's evident as never before.

When I was five months pregnant with our second amazing little miracle for unknown reasons her heart stopped beating. This is a story very much like Day One, where there are many unanswered prayers, many questions and much heartache. And yet still, somewhere hidden among all of that, there are small glimpses of miraculous, answered prayer and Gods kindness.

 (This is an ultrasound picture of Joeli at 11 weeks. She was very much alive and very active at this appointment.)

I want to share a small glimpse into the ending of this immensely difficult story with you, because it is, for me, the one answer to prayer I look back on amidst that day and I can praise and thank God for hearing my cries. I want to invite you to read more of Joeli Grace's story here ❤️

So, we learned of her passing and the need to deliver her. We were given "options" and decided to be induced into labor and the next morning I delivered our tiny baby girl. Her whole hand fit right into a tiny corner of my palm. Her small fragile and intricately formed frame lay in my hands. I felt like life was not only gone from her little body, but that it was leaving mine as well. My heart hurt so desperately. But the difficulty of labor was not over. My body was struggling to release the placenta. The doctor gave me a longer time then they usually do for it to deliver on its own before they would need to do follow-up surgery to remove it, by D&E. But, I was determined not to lose time with our Joeli Grace. So I immediately asked for prayer from our support system that the placenta would deliver on its own without medical intervention. So, amidst our devastating heartache we began to ask God for this help! And we asked the doctor for just a half an hour more. We watched the clock. We prayed. And within the half an hour we spent time more precious time with our sweet tiny baby, not knowing if I may have to be wheeled back into surgery and lose that precious time with her. And then just before the doctor was to return, the placenta delivered. God is good! He answers prayers! He is "an ever present help in times of need" (Psalm 46:1)!

I know it completely stinks to have your dreams, your hope dashed and completely stolen. And not just dreams, but life... To have life stolen from our hearts and homes. But He is there somewhere in the bleak darkness. And He is whispering our name in the quiet of the lonely empty nights and saying He knows us intimately and cares about is infinitely. And He promises to restore all that's been ripped out of our hands and right every wrong and redeem every stolen gift. He overcomes death and the grave. "Where oh death is your sting?" (1 Corinthians 15:55) One day this will be our song!

So, in the darkest moments of my life I struggled to even name what I had just experienced. I hesitated to call it "giving birth", because birth is so synonymous with life. And I had prayed the big mustard seed of faith prayers. I had prayed and told God I believe He is able to heal our baby if they were alive but needing healing, I believed He could even resurrect our child within my womb if they were dead. I really believed these things of Him. After all, I had seen God do the miraculous in my very own life! I KNEW He was able! But, I released my child to Him, knowing that He is also sovereign and if this was not our story that His ways are higher than my own and so I chose to follow Him no matter what! Despite the many unanswered prayers He is still the God who DOES answer prayer. I lost life's most precious blessing that day, my child. Yet I grew in depth of faith and Heaven grew closer that day than ever before because now there is a very real part of me already there. I choose to believe that though she die she now even more truly lives than I.

If you have not done so yet, I encourage you to share your own supernatural stories on social media with the hashtag #supernaturalstories so that we can corporately praise God for His work! Sometimes it is in the darkest of circumstances that His light shines the brightest. Keep shining it forth, friends!